


Come On Home

by gokkyun



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-23 21:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4893544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gokkyun/pseuds/gokkyun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Big Boss is on his way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come On Home

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in like, one hour, so excuse me if it's messy etc.  
> I was just really salty about some things and needed to get some feelings off my chest. I'm not very good with writing overly emotional stuff, sorry for that.
> 
> Set during MGS4 for the most part. No MGS5 spoilers.
> 
> Enjoy, thanks for reading!

The ground he's standing on feels like it's going to collapse under his weight, the air around him feels heavy and makes him nauseous and the picture in front of him seems nothing but surreal. 

A dull ache, like thousands of tiny daggers, shoots through his heart and it's the second time in his life that he feels like this just by standing in front of a grave. Is this the way he wanted it to be? He wants to whisper words of denial to himself, but he isn't sure, but ever since he woke up from another coma he isn't sure of anything anymore. 

It's 2014. The grave in front of him dates February 2005. Kazuhira Miller has been death for almost ten years. Another ache, much sharper, strikes through John's body. 

Regaining his composure, the man salutes in front of his - former acquaintance's grave. A cold, harsh breeze clashes against his unmoving body, his single blue eye moving towards the grave yet again as his arm falls back to his side. 

"It's good to see you, Kazuhira."

John says, but there's no answer, just the howling of the rough wind of Chicago. The name of "Kazuhira" leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. 

"Kazuhira", he said more than 40 years ago, when they first looked at each other as something else than enemies. "that's an ironic name for you, yet beautiful in its sound. And a long name at that.". 

John can still hear Kazuhira's cheerful and magnificent chuckle as if the younger man stood next to him, like he did back then. "It's better than Naked Snake, by all means.", he mocked John back then, laughter and smile hidden behind his slender fingers that were pressed against his full lips. "Call me 'Miller', then?". 

"No, that won't do.", John hears his past-self's voice in his head protest. "How about 'Kaz'?".

It's the first time John saw the alluring smile that graced Kaz's lips in rare moments of carelessness and joy. The younger man's lips were pulled upward the tiniest bit, complimenting his high and prominent cheekbones, magnificent blue eyes shining bright even behind the dark sunglasses. "I think I would like that.". 

It always started like this. Long, mellow nights in which they were trying to figure out how they were going to run their new business - until they got tired of it all and switched from business partners to friends. It was refreshing, no, magnificent to watch Kaz dwell on various topics, the man's enthusiasm and charm contagious. He was like the sweetest summer breeze, dancing around John's worn out mind and body and giving him new life, hope even. 

Their nights ended with friendly hugs or a soft punch to each other's arms at first, until Kaz's lips were pressed against John's more than one time, their bodies hard and so unbelievably perfect against each other. 

John's lips spread now, he wants to say something, wants to tell Kaz words that have laid on his tongue ever since their ways parted, sweet words, bitter words, words that were true, but Kaz couldn't hear him anymore. 

Not like when they were in FOXHOUND together, under which strange circumstances didn't matter anymore by now. But Kaz mattered to John back then and he knew he mattered to Kaz back then as well. He could hear it in the man's aged and rough voice, that screamed at him with anger and hatred and that went silent as soon as John stepped closer. He would lay his hands on Kaz's neck like he did when they were younger, much younger, and Kaz would still shiver like a teenage boy, not innocent but body acting like he was. 

"I hate you and what you've become.", Kaz said, but his body didn't, John feeling the younger man's bionic and real hand laying onto his own hands, squeezing them, Kaz's head tilting to feel more of the touch, his mouth a flat line, softly shivering, as if he was about to break down. 

"I can feel the madness you've driven me into, inch by inch,", John was taken aback by the sudden shaking of Kaz's voice, "but something - keeps pulling me back to you.", it was an odd feeling as Kaz's cold, unnatural and his warm, natural fingers were on either side of his face, even though he was used to it by now. Their faces moved closer, subtly but familiar and John felt how Kaz's and his breath met, just like their eyes. 

"Is this the way I'll always be ... the way it'll always be …", it was an almost silent but frantic whisper from Kaz's side, but John heard it nevertheless, even though he was quite sure he wasn't supposed to. And then a familiar feeling rushed from his lips to his head and through his whole body, Kaz's full lips pressing against his, and it felt like it always felt. It took John's breath away, shook him, made him lighter. Like that familiar summer breeze Kaz used to be. 

It was beyond bliss and perfection whenever they were entangled like this. It awoke memories in John, memories of easier times, memories of times were he would long for Kaz's words, soft and easy. But something was off, even now with Kaz being resentful and refusing all the time, something about the way Kaz's slender fingers dug into the stubble of John's beard, how his whole body was shaking, voice whimpering into the kiss like the younger man's lungs were being filled with water, not caring if he was drowning tonight. 

John felt the subtle wetness on his hands then and pulled back, pulled back as little as possible, blue eye catching the glimpse of a single teardrop rolling down Kaz's flushed cheeks. 

As John lifted his hand to wipe the wet droplet of off Kaz's face, the younger man turned his face away. "Spare me your kindness.", he whispered, breath hitching in the back of his throat, swallowing before turning his gaze back to meet John's. "My wounds are all I got.". 

They had sex - no, made love - for the last time that evening. 

John left to fight his own storm after that, a storm that he couldn't best, because it was not only his own 'son' who fought against him, but also Kaz.

Kaz. Kazuhira. Miller. 

The man that he tortured and that tortured him. 

The man with whom he built something they both called their home, where they felt the wind against their backs, the rain on their skins as they fought, lived and loved. 

To John it was like he found another person to push him forward, to push him into the obscenity of a gentle harmony. 

He always thought he was already a dead man after The Boss' death, but standing here now, in front of the grave of the only man he ever wanted him to follow – it truly feels like death.

An unfamiliar kind of sorrow weighs down heavily on his shoulders now. The pain and fear in his heart are getting harder to hide as he realizes it.

This is Kaz's end. This is his end.

This is their end. For good.

Words form in John's head, find their way to his tongue, but his mouth opens in hesitation. Nothing he could say to Kaz would suffice. No asking for forgiveness, no confession of love like he did when they were just two soldiers in love, no clever speech. 

So instead John says. 

"I'm coming home, Kaz.". 

 

 

\- Ease spreads through his heart as John closes his eyes a few days later, closes them for the last time, surrounded by his son and his mentor. 

And even though he feels a darkness surrounding him, John's lips curl upward, an all too familiar voice ringing in his ears, as if he was a young man with nothing but love in his head and heart. 

"Come on home, Boss.".


End file.
